Unhappy about airport security full-body scans and full-body hand examination? Relax, you haven't seen the next stage, especially for women!

The government bureaucrats dreaming up airport security procedures will surely realize there is an immediate need to address where the next security threat must be addressed:

• Women wearing thickly padded sanitary napkins covering the groin area—detected by the new full-body hand feel, or the full body scan—in which a large amount of explosive material could be hidden.
   
• Men or women wearing the thickly padded incontinence garments—in which a large amount of explosive material can be easily hidden.

The amount of explosive material that can in hidden in this manner is many times greater than can be hidden in the thin soles of most women shoes, which the government safety "experts" required be taken off and examined upon passing through security.

Based upon the history of prior government conduct in the aviation safety area, as observed by this prior FAA airline safety inspector, the following additional requirements would not be unexpected from these "experts:"

• Any woman found, through hand-feeling of the groin area, or the full-body scan, will be ordered to disrobe and the sanitary napkin examined to see whether it contains blood, or explosives. If no explosives are found, a large supply of sanitary napkins will be on hand to replace the one confiscated by security personnel—at a small charge of course!
   
• Any man or woman found wearing the thick incontinence undergarment will also be required to disrobe, and the thick absorbent material examined to be sure it contains urine or fecal matter rather than explosives.
   
• It is hoped that private areas will be provided for the undressing and examination, without monitor cameras!

These measures will show to the American people that their safety is being protected by these truly dedicated and competent government personnel!!

Anyone who thinks of other security risks that these dedicated people have not addressed are encouraged to pass this information to the author of History of Aviation Disasters: 1950 to 9/11, at stich@unfriendlyskies.com!

This information will be forwarded to the government bureaucrats, many of whom are political appointees, at the Transportation Security Administration, and Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano, and the American public can rest assured that, just like Katrina—or the 9/11 hijackings, that all known safety problems will be timely addressed!